A lot has happened since my last post. I found a job as a caregiver at a senior living facility, secured funding for my Pharmacy Technician Course, and have started it as well. Needless to say, I’ve been swamped and struggling to figure out my new normal. There just aren’t enough hours in the day!
I’m going to start off by saying that I surprisingly love my job, I really do. I never thought I’d find myself as a caregiver, but it’s so rewarding, and I absolutely adore the residents. It’s a lot of work, a lot of heavy lifting, changing, cleaning, turning, food prep, problem solving, etc. But they make it worth it, and I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know them and who they are.
Unfortunately, the facility is not as great as I originally thought it was, and because of this, I’ve kind of found myself falling into a bit of a depression.
I have been there about a month and a half now, but I have almost quit 3 times already due to how toxic some of the other employees are. It’s not all of them, only the ones who have been there for a while and think they know all there is to know, but that’s enough to make it difficult to keep working there. Instead of helping new employees, they berate them for messing up or making mistakes. They make them feel small and insignificant for not understanding something, and they make them feel stupid for asking for help. Not to mention the fact that they like to gossip and talk sh*t behind people’s backs just because they don’t like them for one reason or another. All of those make for a very hostile work environment, and it’s gotten to the point where I’ve started dreading getting up and going to work.
Three times now, I have come home from work and just sobbed the rest of the night. Three times I have been made to feel like I was the problem, that I had done something wrong when I didn’t. That’s three times where I’ve nearly said “fu** it” and quit on the spot, but, because of who I am, I can’t bring myself to just up and abandon the residents like that. I’ve bonded with them, I care for them, and they’ve become a part of my life because they’ve entrusted me with theirs. They rely on me to help them, and I can’t turn my back on that. The facility is so short-staffed that it’s the residents who suffer, and many of the caregivers they’ve hired recently don’t care as much as I and some of the others do. To them, this job is just a paycheck, which is why the turnover rate is so freaking ridiculous.
Unfortunately, unless the management understands that it’s the toxicity and hostility the new-hires are facing that’s running them off, they are going to keep being short-staffed. Which sucks.
I know this job is supposed to be temporary, just until I finish my Pharmacy Technician Course, and I have every intention of keeping to that, no matter how attached to the residents I get. I knew that going in, and that part hasn’t changed. I just can’t justify quitting over some bitchy comments or because some people think they are better than everyone else. So, I plan on sticking it out until I finish my course, and I am going to use this time to show the residents the kindness, respect, dignity, and compassion that they deserve. I can only hope that by the time I AM ready to go, necessary changes have been made or are in the process of being made to ensure the retention of their employees. But I know only time will tell.
Now, as far as writing goes, because of how much of my time the job and my course take up, I haven’t been able to work on my book as much as I have wanted to, which really upsets me. I HAVE been working on it, just quietly, in secret, and in bits and spurts. My free time is so sporadic that I don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up until I’m closer to the finish line, and right now, I don’t really have any idea as to when that might be.
However, I have been working with my amazing PA to figure out ways to better manage my time and to get my books out there more. The two of us together have a lot of good ideas, it’s just going to take some time to get them going. But I’m not going to give up! I love writing too much and have many more stories left to tell. I may not be able to publish 8 books a year like I used to, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop altogether! I just have to find out what works with my new normal.
A lot has changed these past few months, and there are even more changes on the way. Keep an eye out over these next few weeks or so as I continue to get my thoughts in order and work out some of the kinks! ❤
Until next time, Happy Reading!
Amanda K. Mann 